Diary-style post here...
Just thinking about late night walks I regularly took in the old neighborhood in Taylors, SC. I loved that quiet time. Listening to the train pass by in the distance while laying in bed. Earlier still, my absorption into my drawings occurred in a very relaxed state, that is, until I became aware of other people's judgment. Then it changed for me, and eventually I stopped drawing. I felt too much pressure to impress other people.
Over 30 years later, it seems, this pressure is still around. I yearn for the quiet again, and I find that I can still have quiet. One of the ways I'm finding quietude is through my work (again? but different). All the pressures to be a certain way or respond to current trends, etc. are just too much. I'm not concerned about where this will take me or how people will receive the work. I've determined that the commercial art world is too fickle and silly for me to care so much about it. I am concerned with surviving right now, as both my girlfriend and I don't have full-time jobs and are basically struggling to break even from several different sources of income. So when I do make art, it's usually to get away from the splintered nature of making a living right now, to get to some quiet state. This is very different from the performance work I did in grad school (although, strangely, I'm finding some points of intersection between my performance work and my current drawings).
I'll be posting some new images soon. I'd like to use the internet and various social networking vehicles somehow in my work (It's important for me to be a part of the world and quiet, not removed from the world and quiet. There's a big difference).
Anyway, more soon...
blake, i swear. so many of your posts ring true to thoughts and feelings i have about art and artmaking. it's nice to know i have a kindred spirit out there. "Earlier still, my absorption into my drawings occurred in a very relaxed state, that is, until I became aware of other people's judgment. Then it changed for me, and eventually I stopped drawing. I felt too much pressure to impress other people." i think i have said this or written this before. anyways, keep at it! you inspire! -erin
ReplyDeleteThanks Erin. I'm really glad to know that someone identifies with some of the things I write about.
ReplyDeleteIt's interesting that you are now reflecting on your performance art. While performance art may not have been what "you were meant to do" - instinctively - it has now become a part of your personal history/experience - thus influencing your work through your true instincts. Funny how that happens!
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