no definition, from my journal

Defining myself, limiting myself. I've done this sometimes -- a lot of times -- to try and understand myself. But it usually has nothing to do with me. Nature is mysterious. My work is also an exploration of my nature. Always been so self-reflective. This work conveys my fears and my love: fear of the unknown, love of losing myself in a world of my making within the picture plane. Never felt more free. Ironically, I've never been tighter in my work -- well, "tight" is not really the right word. More like I just really get into making the image, so I consider every millimeter of its surface. I feel like I'm leaving other people's voices when I work on these (I don't feel this way all the time). I'm left alone to do my own thing. Worry sometimes that people won't appreciate them. It's hard to know if what I do will be appreciated when I've gone off and done my own thing. But it's not like I'm working outside the conventions of common language. Ironic here too, because if anything, this work is more conventional. There's a clear attempt to describe spatial depth and the presence of light. I don't feel like I have to alienate myself. This is interesting because I think much of what I've done throughout my life, not just in art, was driven by a sad need to alienate myself from others. This work is my attempt to be at peace in an unpredictable world. Life is not about my personal survival. That's extremely precarious. Everyone dies, sometimes tragically, sometimes before they get the chance to experience living. Yet life goes on.